It can be quite difficult after a divorce to feel like you are a “good role model”.  You are at a point where you are feeling like you have experienced some sort of failure.  It’s completely understandable, but untrue! 

Here’s my advice on how to be a good role model:

• When people believe that you should stay married “for the kids” sometimes that is exactly the opposite of what you are achieving.  Getting a divorce may ultimately be the best thing for your children in your individual circumstance. 
• If you were in an abusive relationship of any kind, be it physical or emotional, you are presenting a good example for your children to take a step in the right direction to fix a very hard problem.  Leaving a poor marriage takes a lot of courage. 
• For a marriage to end there are obviously reasons.  In your case, good ones, or else you wouldn’t have found this blog.  It doesn’t matter what anyone says about your divorce, it matters that you know in your heart that you made the best decision possible, with the information that you had available to you.

Kids learn that life is filled with happiness as well as disappointment.  Nothing you do can completely protect them from that.  I know in my heart if I would have stayed married to my ex wife, my children would not be who they are today.  I know that’s hard to think about right now, but trust in you.

Being a good role model is more that being a “married” parent.  Life happens and we can’t always plan everything.  So your marriage didn’t work out.  So what?  What you do from this point on is what matters.  Be the person you want your kids to become.

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Len :: Apr.21.2008 :: Caring for Yourself After Divorce, Caring for your Children, General ::

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