Thanks for your comment, I do like to hear other points of view.  Let me expand on what I said earlier with an example from the media.  I just read the story about Christie Brinkley’s divorce.  Apparently her husband had an affair with a “child”…17 or 18 years old…..plus he paid the girl $300,000 to keep it quiet.  No doubt, he is “the bad guy” here.  I blame him.  It would be kinda crazy to “blame” her.  But,  If I’m a friend of her’s and I’m counseling her,  I want to REALLY help  her.  I would emphasize that she is NOT at fault.  But, I would ask her to examine her “role”  in this drama.  That may be nothing more than helping her see things that she is blind to.  I would tell her: Don’t think of him as your “husband”,  just think of some married guy in his 40’s  that had an affair with an 18year old and paid her to keep it quiet.  What do you think of a guy like that?  

My guess is she wouldn’t  want to date a guy like that let alone marry him.  I mean this is Christie Brinkley, THE beauty of my generation.  It’s safe to say she has a lot of choices when it comes to men.   Now you might say, well she didn’t know he was like that when she married him—and that’s a fair comment.   I recognize that there are times when good people mess up, and yes, even have an affair.  But this is her 4th divorce…nobody should have to go thru that.  Let’s assume she was not at fault in any of those marriages.   She can “blame” all 4 guys OR she can figure out her “role”….(or you can say what she is doing “wrong”)….It may be that what she does “wrong” is nothing more than the fact that she wants to be married to a “successful” man so much so that she is blind to his character flaws.   I have counseled many people whose “story” is that their spouse had an affair and left them”.  Once the emotions pass, almost all of them say there were plenty of “signs”  before they got married, but they ignored them.  People have told me that before they got married, their husband’s brother or best friend asked if they realized how selfish “Joe” was…..but they got married any way.  You can do everything “right” and still get a bad result…that’s life……But, you can improve your chances next time around.  So when I say look at you’re “role”…..it is NEVER to blame. 

It is ALWAYS to try and help avoid making the same “mistake”.  Done is Done.  So, I want to learn from my mistakes….not repeat them.  Thanks again for your comments……they were well thought out

Len :: Jul.10.2008 :: General ::

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