Child Support
I talked to a divorced friend of mine about this article, because she had been singularly unable to get her ex husband to pay his child support with any kind of regularity. My friend was aware that there were many options open to her to get the measly amount she had been awarded, but she was one of those women who operate her own life out of high standards of integrity and “doing the right thing”, that she did not want to get the law involved.
Looking back, and being much less emotional now and hence more reasonable, she said to encourage you to use the resources of the law to help you get the support you need to raise your children more easily. I’m going to tell you some of the things a divorce attorney or your state’s District Attorney can do for you, and then we’re going to discuss my friends emotional problems, because she and I think that might be helpful to you as well.
When you obtain a divorce, you simultaneously obtain a Support Order. If your ex does not pay his or her child support, he can be found in contempt of court. If the child support is in arrears, a divorce attorney can help you obtain it. There are wage assignments, collection enforcement (particularly if there is property involved), attachment of wages or property, a tax refund intercept, filing an action for contempt, etc. Work with your attorney to determine what the best action is for you. You can also find agencies on the internet who specialize in child support payments that are in arrears.
Can you stop your ex from his visitation rights if he doesn’t pay child support? No, you can’t, and honestly, you shouldn’t. Visiting their other parent is in the best interest of your child and you want the best for them, right? This little battle you’ve got with your ex should not be shared with younger children. They deserve to love their other parent without hearing about your problems with him or her.
And now, the emotional aspects: why was my friend unable to resort to the law to collect from her deadbeat husband? She told me that she was still in love with him; that he wasn’t earning very much money; that she was afraid she’d alienate him from his children; that she was embarrassed to keep calling and bugging him for the money. It’s labeled co-dependency, my dear readers, and if you identified with this paragraph more than all the rest in this article, my friend wanted me to tell you that she sought the help of a therapist and thinks you should, too.
An ex not paying for the children he procreated is his problem. Allowing it to go on was her problem. Each of them has to own their own responsibility. My friend did not seek the help that was there for her. Her bad. He didn’t pay child support regularly. His bad.
The bottom line is to seek some help so that you can get past your “bad” and take the steps necessary to insure that the child support due your children is paid with regularity. Their good.
~Len
Len :: Aug.05.2009 :: Caring for your Children, Custody Issues :: No Comments »


