This has to be the absolute, with out a doubt, hardest thing to do in life. Living in the present moment.  Actually enjoy the moment that you are in because you can never get it back. 

Why Not Be Happy? 

Many people ask me why I always seem so happy.  I am happy because I have learned how to live in the "now".  I don't worry.  There is no point.  It won't change a thing. 

Everything we think about is either  regarding the past or the future.  Think about it.  Right now you are probably thinking about what you need to do today or what happened yesterday.  You probably aren't thinking about what is happening right now.  Are your kids happy?  Are they running around playing and laughing, but you are missing it because you are worried about the future?  You are missing out on what life really should be about. 

Let Go Of Your Control Issues

The first thing that we must all learn is that we have absolutely no control over anything.  I mean it. Control is an illusion.  We can't control anything, but our own thoughts.  We can't always control what happens to us, what situations will arise, if our loved ones will live to see another day.  We have no control over 99% of what happens, but we can control our thoughts. 

Seize The Day

Start today. Right now you are reading this blog.  Take it in.  Stop and think about what you are reading. 

Later today when you hug your child, really hug them.  Think about the fact that they are a little miracle that you created and you will miss their youth if you spend time worrying that you won't have enough money to pay for them to go to college.  No matter what you do or how much money you save, it can all be taken from you in an instant. 

When you were married you never thought that you would be going through a divorce, but you are or you did.  It didn't matter how much you tried to avoid it, it came anyway.  This should be one of the greatest examples of how to let go of the sense of control in your entire life. 

All we can do is live for today.  There might never be a tomorrow.  It's not a sad concept, so please don't be sad. 

Remember: Living in the present moment is the key to happiness.  Enjoy what you have. 

For God's sake, stop and smell the roses!

Len :: Nov.28.2007 :: General :: No Comments »

Money.  It's something we all need whether we like it or not, we all have to have some.  The subject of money causes many problems in marriages all over the place.  It may have caused many problems in the marriage that you are no longer in.  All of that doesn't really matter now though, because not you have to figure out how to support yourself and your children all on your own.

Everyone has a different situation, but every situation will have difficulties that will have to be dealt with.  If you were the soul supporter of your family, then you will probably have to pay child support.  How much will that be?  Will you be able to live where you are living now and pay that support?  You may have been a stay at home mom, who has never worked outside of the home a day in her life.  Now what, you won't get alimony forever and your child support probably won't be enough to live on, so what do you do?

You will need to sit down develop a plan of action.  I think that it is always best to make up a new budget.  Go through your monthly bills.  How much money is coming in and going out.  Not what used to be happening , but what is happening now?  Calculate the money you will be giving or receiving in child support, maybe you have joint custody with your ex and there is no child support.  Okay well how much income do you have coming in on your own?  Will you need to find a way to make more money?  Can you immediately cut out some costs?  You may find that you don't have the same luxuries that you had while you were married.  Life costs a lot and when you are doing on your own with kids, it costs even more.  

Don't feel overwhelmed.  You can make it.  You will make it.  You just need to do a little re organizing along the way.  Think of who you know that you can trust.  Is that person good with finances?  Would they be willing to help you set up a plan?  Just talking thinkgs out sometimes with someone you can trust to help you makes a big difference.  Remember, you are not the first perosn to go through what you are going through.  Soon, these troubles will just be a memory! 

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Len :: Nov.28.2007 :: Caring for Yourself After Divorce :: No Comments »

It's hard to imagine a more emotionally charged time in your life than right now, right?  All of the feelings that you are experiencing right now are completely normal and understandable, but you have to know when to put a lid on it.  Sometimes emotions get in the way.  They can stand in the way of what you are trying to accomplish. 

When it comes to disciplining your children, you always need to try and have a clear head.  Discipline should never be laced with emotion, rather emotion free.  You need to look at discipline differently then probably every other area in your relationship with your kids. 

Every situation needs to be treated as an objective problem, not subjective.  When you are evaluating how to discipline a child that has done something wrong, you need to remove yourself from the situation.  Look at the situation as if it were happening to your friend and you were giving her advice.  What would you tell her?

You need to recognize your personal feelings and push them aside for the time being.  Your children's feelings should be considered all of the time, but you have to remember to never let guilt drive you.  If you discipline your children with emotion you will always lose the battle, which can lead to losing the war.  If you can't do this, you need to take a time out yourself and come back to the situation a little later.   

I know this is all easier said than done, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy, right.  You will be far happier with the result if you can master this task.  Just remember, be objective.  Look from the outside in.  Take the emotion out.  You will be doing just fine.

Len :: Nov.23.2007 :: Disciplining Children :: No Comments »

When you get divorced one of the hardest things to do is find alone time if you have soul custody of your kids!  Even if you don't, your life is totally different now and you will find yourself craving some time to catch your breath.  This can be a very good time to evaluate your friendships.  Do you have other single parent friends?  Are all of your friends married?  Are you finding it hard to talk to the friends you made as  couple?  Well, I'm not saying that you need to go and trash all of your current friendships, but you never can have too many friends!  Start to make an effort to find some single friends.  There are so many support groups out there that are local.  You will be surprised at what you find!

One of the ways some new single friends will be a helpful addition to your life is this:  You can talk with someone who can relate to you.  Not that your best friend of twenty years isn't good to talk to, but maybe she is happily married and you find yourself holding back.  If you meet someone that is in a similar situation you will also probably find that they have more time to spend with you.

The second thing that can be helpful is taking turns watching each other's children! Whether it's for  doctor's appointment or for a date, you will find that it can be very helpful to "swap kids" rather than pay a sitter all of the time!   

There are so many people in the world that we never give a chance.  You could be living down the street from your next best friend and not even know it.  Take some time to establish some good friendships and you will be amazed at how they improve your life!       

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Len :: Nov.04.2007 :: Caring for Yourself After Divorce :: No Comments »