I am going to try to incorporate some more of my favorite dinner recipes into the blogs, so that it breaks up all of my brilliant advice! LOL

One of my girls favorites: POT ROAST… In the crock pot

This is so easy if you can prepare for it in the morning before you leave for work.

Ingrediants: 

* Pot roast… I usually use a nice chuck roast

* Carrots

*Peeled potatoes

*Lipton onion soup mix

* Salt, Pepper, Garlic powder

Steps:

*Turn Crock pot on low heat

*Season roast generously

*Add in potato chunks and carrot chunks

*Add lipton soup mix

*Add enough water to cover ingredients

Voila!

This will be done when you get home and your house will smell amazing!

Len :: Jan.11.2009 :: General :: No Comments »

Getting a good education is critically important for your child.  What they learn is not nearly as important as the process they go through while learning.  In the process, they learn discipline, mental maturity, that improving feels good, that there is always more to learn, that interactions with others has to be done harmoniously.  Learning helps your child mature.  I’m confident that you can think of lots of other things your child will learn while he’s learning. And, the things that he learns does play a role in the work that he will eventually do.

Here are some questions to consider when examining how you and your ex want to support your child as he enters school and progresses through it’s levels.

Do any of your children have special needs at school?
How can each of you support those needs so our child can succeed at school?
Has the child’s teacher brought up anything about your child and his school performance?
If this change is creating a downslide, how can the two of you address it?
What behavior does your child have when there’s a problem at school?
Does each parent recognize this behavior?
Can you discuss it with the other parent and decide how you will solve it?
Is your child as willing to do his school work at both parents’  homes? It’s not fair to the child to make only one parent the  “good guy” or the “bad guy.” Both should share this responsibility.
Have you noticed your child’s school performance changed since the divorce?
have you discussed this with his other parent to seek a common solution?
Do your ex and you both agree on the school goals and performance standards for our child/children?
Have you told your children that you are both in agreement?
Do both of you hold your children to the same standards for school performance? Remember, continuity is something children crave.
Can you meet your child’s other parent at school conferences easily?  If not, what can you do to improve this for the sake of  your child?
 

Education plays a crucial role in your child’s life, his development, his success, his good feelings about himself.  You can make his school years wonderful or unpleasant.  Being on the same page with his other parent will go a long way toward helping him succeed. With the above questions answered, you can now proceed to creating ways to use those answers as a strong foundation and make education appear like fun and a rewarding challenge to your child.

Len :: Jan.10.2009 :: Caring for your Children, General :: No Comments »

I have a dear friend whose parents used verbal abuse toward one another and toward their children.  My friend said that it made her stomach cramp and flop over when her parents began to use those reviling words at one another.  And when they turned those words to her, she wanted to cringe, run, and hide.  To this day, she shakes when loud voices point her way and she becomes very defensive and protective when she hears abusive language.  She says that verbal abuse is a form of profanity whether it uses cuss words or not; and that verbal abuse seriously affected her sense of self esteem, kept her naïve and immature beyond her chronological years, and made her unsure of her decisions for years into her adulthood.

 
Wikipedia states that the underlying factor in the dynamic of abuse is the abuser’s low regard for him or her self. As the abuser may fear not being “good enough” and/or meeting other’s expectations, the abuser may attempt to place their victim in the position to feel or believe similar things about him or her self.

 
I think that is sad enough to make me want to write about it for you.  I was lucky enough to have loving, supportive parents, and my kids did not have to suffer from verbal abuse.  But it is a common enough occurrence, so let’s look at the monster. Here are some questions for you to ask yourself to see if you are being verbally abused or if there was verbal abuse in your previous marriage.

 
Did your ex try to exercise control over you by yelling?

Did your ex try to hurt you with words?

Did your ex speak to you abusively but show a happier, friendlier face to others?

Did your ex try to control you through accusations?

Did your ex speak to you in a voice louder than a normal speaking tone?

Did your ex use name calling to lower your self esteem?

Did your ex refuse to dignify you with answers using avoidance or ignoring ?

Did you ever feel you and your take on things were being trivialized?

Did your ex use words to hurt you because she wasn’t strong enough to deck you?

Were there incidents of domestic violence involving the police?

Did you ever feel as if your ex was driving you crazy?

Did you feel lied to or manipulated by your ex’s accusations?

Did your ex keep back information from you?

 
These are all evidence of verbal abuse, and let me tell you with all the love in my heart “You don’t deserve this kind of treatment.”  Gather those around you who will support you while you heal. That begins to address ‘you’ but let’s now look at your kids.

 
Have your children been a witness to all that you have suffered above?  Then they are also the victims of verbal abuse and they now deserve comprehensive, compassionate caring.  They will need help to heal their fragile psyches from this abuse. I recommend that you do some research on the internet by looking up verbal abuse and add to what information this article presents, because it only scratches the surface of an insidious problem.

 
If you can, find a psychologist who specializes in children for them.  If you can’t, look for books that address these issues.  Sit down and read them with your children and discuss how your ex fits into the story they just read. Please don’t revile their other parent. They need to continue to love him or her.  Simply explain factually where he or she fits into the story. Ask how the child in the story might have felt.  Ask if your child has ever felt the way the child did in the story.  Encourage discussion and use your non-blaming words to help them heal.

 
Make up your mind that you will not contribute to any further verbal abuse of your children. Make a firm promise to yourself that you will not raise your voice at them, that you will not yell at them – ever.  If you find your anger triggered, say “Peace one thousand one; Peace one thousand two” until a sense of reason returns before you open your mouth to them.

 
Ask yourself “What was my kid’s good reason for doing what he did?” to try to walk in their moccasins. Find something humorous in the situation that you can both laugh about. Make sure they know that you love them, even though they did “x.”  Don’t bring up how alike they are to their other parent, or how you’ve seen this behavior over and over from them.  Stay in the now. And if you can’t do this, go take an anger workshop, because you may need it.  It’s the best form of loving your child you can do.

Len :: Jan.04.2009 :: Caring for your Children :: No Comments »

Handling money and learning how to use it wisely can be taught to children very early in their lives.  Begin by teaching them the coins and the dollar bills.  Play games with them and have a little store in your home where they can “play store” to learn the value of money.  Label items with their sales cost and allow them to buy them with money you give them only for this game.  That money is to be given back to you when they are done playing.

 
When it’s time for an ice-cream cone, let them learn to find the cost on a menu, and then let them pay the bill.  Let them pay the bill with cash at a restaurant.  It gets them ready to handle their own money when it’s time to get an allowance.

 
Teach them that spending and saving habits are wise to develop.  Teach them what your spending and saving habits are and share with them why you make the decisions you do.

 
I think it’s a great idea to share the family budget with children, although I know there are those folks who don’t agree with me. I can see no harm in a child knowing, at a minimum, pieces of the budget – for example, how much gets spent on food on a weekly basis. Teaching them how to read the prices at a supermarket or to look for coupons in a newspaper are habits worth developing and will help your children as they mature.

 
Family budgets can be divided into several main categories.  They might be Donations, Investments, Savings, and what gets Spent.  If your child can learn the categories of the family budget, when he receives an allowance, help him to see those categories for his allowance.

 
It’s always a big question when it comes to an allowance: should kids be paid for doing household chores, or should there be a regular allowance just “because” and then an additional amount as a chores reward?  I’ll leave that one up to you.

 
If you pay your child monthly, it will force budgeting on him or her.  They will have to learn the differences between what he might need, what he merely wants, and what he wishes he could have.  Setting goals through budgeting helps him understand what’s crucial and what’s just a dream.

 
Using a Piggy Bank or a See Through Jar allows your child to watch his money grow.  When he gets older, I encourage the opening of a savings account.  I also recommend not bailing your child out when he spends everything prematurely.  No one bails you out if you do that, so let your child suffer through that dry period.  It’s a great teaching tool and you’ll develop your child into a fiscally responsible adult.

Len :: Jan.03.2009 :: Caring for your Children :: No Comments »

If you are a divorcee, you know full well that the emotional challenges that a divorce can bring are wide and deep and even more, no fun at all.  I don’t have to elucidate them, but I will.  I think perhaps listing some that I’ve known and experienced might trigger off some in you that you’ve been pushing to the background with those “I can handle this” kind of thinking.  

 
Divorce makes you suffer self doubt.  “What did I do wrong? Don’t I know how to choose a mate? My family will think less of me. How will I be able to survive on my own?”

 
Divorce makes you suffer fear.  “I am so afraid this divorce will be harmful to my children.  How will I be able to hold down a job, run a house and take care of the kids by myself? The financial burden seems overwhelming on my salary.”

 
There is an entire psychological array of negative feelings you go through when you are divorced, like: abandonment, fear, anger, and loss, grief, anxiety, sorrow, guilt, denial and depression.  Each of these is inside you to some degree or another, which is why I’m writing an article about self-care.  With all this buffeting, you’ve simply got to put some self-care techniques into place, or you won’t be there for yourself, first, and your kids, secondly.  Each of you deserves the best.

 
Self-care products.  If I were you, I’d set aside a small basket of self-care products that appeal to you.  If you’re a woman, lotions and potions can go into the basket.  Special oils for your bath.  Special bubble bath soaps. For men, aroma therapy candles, heel and hand therapy lotions, maybe a nice sugar scrub.  I found one that smells like margaritas!  Hoo yah.
Self-care techniques.  

 
Learn how to meditate.  Ten minutes of meditation will help you drain away negative thinking and restore your sense of can-do. 
Exercise is another way to drain off stress and restore a sense of well-being.  Find some exercise that you really enjoy. 
Organize yourself. Pick one closet, or your desk, and totally put it into order.  Organization makes you feel good and if you do this continuously, one project at a time, before long the whole house will be organized.
Eat consciously and only for the sake of enjoyment. Don’t add any other thought to eating that is not about enjoyment, like “This is fattening.” That kills the enjoyment. 
Talk to your friends.  choose a time, perhaps after the kids are in bed for the night, and have some ‘you time’ with your friends.  It’s very rejuvenating.

Len :: Jan.02.2009 :: Caring for Yourself After Divorce :: No Comments »